Told by: Christine
I lost a little girl at 10 1/2 weeks on March 1, 2010. I knew that I was pregnant 3 weeks before I was due to start. I know it sounds crazy but GOD does this in my life. When I took my first test it was faint (it was one week before I was due to start) I finally went in and had blood work done and the numbers were low. I repeated the test that same week and they tripled. YAY! Excited…kind of.
I never really could get excited. Things just didn’t seem right. We did an early U/S at 6 weeks and found just the gestational sac. So the dates and numbers were off. We all just decided I was very early. My OB wanted to see me again each week and I opted not too.
With a 2 1/2 yr old it would be hard to continue to do so. She went the first time and she was excited over the “baby”.
As time went on my morning sickness stopped and I just had a BAD FEELING about it all. I wanted this baby but just couldn’t get excited. At eight and half weeks I called and said OK it doesn’t feel right can we do an u/s. So we went in, there was my baby, heart was beating and she looked fine….except….. there was fluid in her chest cavity. may not be anything wrong they said.
I knew right away there was something wrong. I did my shots for weeks and everything I knew I should and still felt horrible about this. I went to a Fetal Maternal doctor after announcing to all my family that I was nine and half weeks pregnant and that I needed lots of prayers. At ten weeks I was due to see the doctor for another u/s. No more morning sickness all week and I knew she was gone. I just knew it. I cried the entire way there, I was alone. I got there and they were behind. It seemed like forever before I got in there.
There were two U/S techs in there and they were so quiet. I studied their faces and I knew that something was wrong. I fought the tears. They got up and said it would be a few minutes before he came in. I watched the clock..it took 5 hours it seemed like for 20 minutes to go by. Then in came the doctor, I knew. She was gone. I remember that face from losing Emma. When they couldn’t find a heartbeat. Same one. He showed me the u/s screen. How transparent she was. Showed me her whole anatomy and talked about not having morning sickness, Tears were rolling…I knew she was gone. After 15 min he said the dreaded words…”I am sorry but I do not see a heartbeat” and as professional as he was being…he cried too. So we decided to wait for my OB to make the next call. I would have a D&C on Wednesday because of having a c-section and a little one at home it was better for her not to see the blood of a natural way if the body expelling her. I left and just lost it. I was alone. She was gone and I would have to carry her for days to come. I hated it and it felt so horrible. But I knew all along and I believe GOD was preparing me for it weeks before I was to see and hear that news. It has been the worst few months of my life. I thought that having gone through a stillbirth at 38 weeks would help prepare me for this…but it hurts worse. I found out that something did not form well with the heart so I tell everyone that she died of a broken heart. And yes I found out it was another girl. I didn’t name her. I should have but we just called her Baby Girl Wright. I sit here writing this with a flood of tears. This is cleansing to tell my story of my girls who too soon have gone to heaven.
My due date was October 4th. But I would have been delivered no later than 38 weeks. So pray for me this week. It hurts sooo bad. But I am the face of Stillbirth and miscarriage and I am a very proud mother of angels. No one will ever take that from me. I love them with a hole in my heart because when they left they both took a piece of it with them. God be with us all and NEVER FORGET our babies…ever. I am here always…I find strength in sharing and reflecting on them. Please feel free to share with me and ask me anything. We all are a part of this club that no one ever wants to be in but I am thankful that God has allowed this to be because only we can relate to one another and we all have a very special bond for life…our angels. Thank you for listening to my stories of loss and enduring pain. God love you!